Let’s play 5 truths and no lies:

I’m a better writer than I was a soccer player (see picture). Chris Pratt thinks I’m funny (and so does my mom). I have more Emmys than Leo Dicaprio. I have mastered both the breakfast sandwich and the Manhattan. I shovel donkey sh*t every day of my life.

Now that you know a bit about me, I hope you enjoy getting to know a bit of my work.